Galactic Hitman Steam PC Review

Galactic Hitman is a bare bones shooting gallery in hallway after hallway that plays as a first person shooter. You’ll be surprised just how terrible the game is. Its so terrible that its a selling point. No one wants to play a game with 75% scores, they want to play one with 25% or lower. The best way I can summarize the game is that its 100 MB and a good reminder of why the Steam refunds exist.

Before we start with what’s wrong, let’s start with what’s right. The game looks good. It has a good aesthetic even if its just hallways shooting humanoids. The lasers are a rainbow of colors even if they are shot from the same gun. The explosions look good and there are exploding barrels. A must have on the checklist for any first person shooter. It looks like a game I want to play, oh but that’s just the wrapping paper of this mystery box.

1

The game starts you off in a menu to select from six missions. Each mission is the same, but longer as you go through hallways with turns. Yes that’s all single hallways with no deviation, no choice, its as straight forward as can be. Sometimes there are two doors, but one door will lead into a window. Sometimes there are two doors with one door jam. When boxes get between a door, the door goes right through them in order to close.

In terms of combat, when you woosh open a door, the enemies are already waiting for you. These enemies stand still, there is no logic to them. They stand and shoot. If you think they’ll crouch down behind cover, that would require more animation. Again, they literally stand still and shoot at you. Their lasers can pierce through objects. I’ve seen laser fire come from where a dead enemy was standing. What’s more odd than that is hiding in an empty corridor, lasers have come through walls where no enemies should be. Once a hallway is cleared of enemies, it goes dark, but that’s probably because the lasers are the only thing illuminating the corridor in the first place.

Shooting galleries can be fun, but there are so many enemies firing in quick succession that it becomes difficult even to peak out the door at a single enemy without dying. Opening a door to face five or more foes is suicidal and that makes the game tough without the fun. Oh but you’re in luck, the game is so hard that with every limitless death, you respawn rather than restarting the mission.

This turns a needlessly tough game into a cake walk. Well that is if you like cakes made of… brick. Bland, tasteless, solid as a rock brick. Galactic Hitman is an endurance test. How much standing in a doorway taking gunfire can you endure? More than one mission just to see if the next mission will be different only to find that its the same? How about all six missions with the hallways getting longer and longer.

When you die, the game knows you’re going to respawn, so it pulls out the gun, but it does it before you respawn. It just sticks out. I’ve also encountered an issue where I’ve died, but the game still keeps me alive, but unable to move. So the enemies are still shooting at me, with no hope of respawning. I think this is because when you take damage, its always by 5% of your maximum health. So when I found a glitch that took away 2% of my health, I could heal to over 100% and when i died, I was below 0%. This seems like a basic programming issue where the game respawns the character at zero health rather than zero or less health. When it happens, you’ll need to Alt + F4 out of the game, because there is no menu.

There are glowing green canisters that will regenerate your health by five percent for each second you stand by them. However, they only work half of the time. So one canister will work, while others offer no relief. Its just dull waiting for the health to refill, but the choice is yours, respawn and run to where you were or wait for health. Either way, you’ll still die.

You can look out space windows to see that you’re just in a hallway floating in the cosmos. From windows you can also see other hallways, but the problem is the hallways have no exterior to them, so you can see into the hallways from the outside even when those hallways are solid metal with no windows. From the exterior you can also see the glass windows extend far above and below hallways.

After you’ve gone through a mission, you can never replay that mission until completing all missions. When you try to select the same mission, it tells you that its been completed. It tells you with text over text. So imagine trying to read a sentence over a paragraph. To be fair, it looks like the sentence over the paragraph does try to fit between the lines of the paragraph.

There seems to be a glitch where trying to play the same completed level over and over again will send you to the next level. However, when you finish the level, it is still marked as incomplete and you’ll have to do it again.

The controls are basic and bound to keys with no options of any sort other than a typical game launcher. There is a sprint, which is useful for passing through areas you’ve already cleared. The jump feels short and useless when the objects can just be pushed out of your way.

You can change between four weapons across five keys. To change, you press keys 1, 2, 4 and 5. Yes for whatever reason there is no third weapon. These weapons include a pistol, a machine gun, a grenade and a knife. You have all four of these weapons from the start of each mission, because why would an assassin go into battle with only a pistol? Well that and it would take more programming knowledge to pick up weapons.

The two primary weapons come fully stocked with around 9,999 rounds of ammunition. There is no need to reload, but weapons take a while to fire. Grenades take far too long to throw and explode, because I think your character pulls the pin with teeth before throwing it. The explosions look nice and feel powerful, but in reality the giant shock wave has no effect on the enemies. You need to land a grenade right under them to hurt them, but even then there’s no effect. No weapon has an impact. I’m shooting foes with a machine gun and they stand there with no reaction.

Once you’ve killed all the enemies a “base cleared” screen popup the instant the last foe is dead. There is no score, you’re then kicked back to the mission select screen with no acknowledgement that you just finished a mission or achievements. Unlocking new missions would be a nice frill. Earning money for each job well done or even a rating with points would be a nice touch too.

There is major room for improvement with Galactic Hitman, but I have a feeling it wants to be the worst game, but there are still others that take the prize. Having more than one hallway would be nice. Larger rooms rather than hallways too.

“Avoid this game and yes it is that bad.” Now there’s a quote to sell it. Its the perfect game for anyone looking to add a “worst game ever” to their collection or content.

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