As always, this is the games that I play in the month of March, so chances are this will be random. As for anyone that makes this list, its nothing personal, its just a list. Your games won’t become the next Air Control or Garry’s Incident without a famous Youtuber picking you apart. People love to complain that Steam lets garbage through its doors, but they still don’t let Desura grade things through. There was a surprising amount of candidates, but the tough part isn’t writing a list, its editing the list down to five. I’ll give honorable mentions to Two Worlds: Epic Edition and My Fore Skin-Flea Circus that didn’t make the cut.
I’ll start this list with a great big kick to the groin. The very first WWF game for the NES is abysmal. One-on-one matches that need very precise alignment of you and your opponent to even connect any hits. It wouldn’t be so bad if you could walk into your opponent like Double Dragon, but instead you need to match their position with left or right and hope they don’t walk up or down. Then there’s the fact that the computer opponent can turn on a dime and drain your health with viscous back elbows when its a struggle for you to even move let alone turn around quick enough to do anything. Out of six wrestlers, Ted Dibiase is the only wrestler easy enough to beat. Read the full review
People love this game for its incest ending. An ending that I never saw. Only If is an awful game for a lot of reasons, the first is having the antagonist scream at you over a microphone is one. The other is how clueless the game left me. It was a struggle to do anything at certain points. Button mashing to get out of circumstances, being unable to get past certain sections due to how cryptic they are. Walk throughs and Youtube videos couldn’t help me on this one. Its an annoying, frustrating time…. oh but its got that vague incest ending that makes no sense so everyone loves it. That and its free. Everyone loves free, unless there are micro transactions that aren’t cosmetic. Read the full review
Arcade 3000 is a first person platformer with no feet or shadows below you. You need to assume you’ll land safe on the platforms. What makes this a bad game is how it was just thrown out there to the public. No textures, no finesse, the menu is a garbled mess that isn’t a list so much as a jumble of words. The first three levels feel like the same thing, just with different platforms taken out. Its a good idea, its just one step over the idea phase right now. Oh and the name is just as generic as this site. Read the full review
EGG IN THE AIR
I liked this game for about five minutes, then thirty or forty minutes later, I was begging for it to end. Its just monotonous, bouncing an egg as the screen scrolls vertically upward. What really soured me on the game was the in game advertisements how they can help indie game developers make money off their game. It just smells like a scam alert and its there in the game over and over again. I would have preferred commercials in the game over these ads. At least then I know the developer is getting money. Read the full review
FET: FLYING EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS
By far my worst game this month is FET: Flying Extra-Terrestrials strictly because of how dull and boring it is. You start in your little UFO and fly all the way down from your mothership, pick up cows and other farm animals, then fly back up to the mother ship. If you didn’t do it directly up and down you’ll need to find it. Each time you go down and up, its at least a minute and it can be more depending on if you’re carrying a lot of farm animals. Its not fun. The controls are pretty awful as well. Using a mouse for tilt control of your flying saucer just doesn’t feel right. Read the full review