Two Worlds Blog (Cruising for Chicks and Body Diversity)

In my last blog, I felt that there were only three female characters in the entire game of probably a thousand people. Some cities and encampments look as if they have a hundred people, blowing Skyrim and Oblivion out of the water in terms of population. Of course in this role playing game, these townspeople have nothing to say. You can still ask them common questions and they have responses, but nothing really of value to say. At least with Two Worlds, its streamlined so you know who has something to say by the icon that appears when you focus on them. Some people have quests, others are trainers and still some people are just there to be in the background. We can’t all be stars you know, some of us have blogs.

Now that I’ve reiterated that there are only three female characters, I started my journey through Two World’s massive land to find more women. I don’t care if they’re quest givers, main characters or even townspeople in the background. I’m determined to find one. That’s really a testament to how few quests there are in the game. There might be a thousand townspeople, with even more bandits, but barely anyone has a quest. Those that do have a quest will often have two or more quests to sink your teeth into.

If my estimate is correct and it might not be, I’d say there is about two dozen human settlements in the north half of the land.  I remember where the first three were located. The first is your sister, the most scantily clad of all women, but I guess she’d have to be, since she graces the cover of the Two Worlds game box. She’s the only character in the game other than yourself. Everyone else is mentioned by name, but rarely seen since they’re so important.

Most people would use this as their default image, if not a box art.

The second female that I came across was a cloaked mage that wanted me to do something somewhere. So she gave a quest and I’m happy for that, but there was a novel’s worth of dialog between my character and hers. I literally watched dawn turn to dusk and when we were done talking it was the dead of night. I’m just happy that its spoken dialog and not just text.

The third woman is a humble city dweller with nothing to say. Well I take that back, she is one of many female citizens that was happy to greet me, until I spoke with them. Suddenly, I was then a bum that wanted to touch them. Apparently this bustling city was the only one that I had found with women. It still wasn’t until later that I had realized that I had only seen three women in the vast lands of Two Worlds.

This is my necro horse trying to speak with her.

The fourth woman was another citizen of the same grand city. She at least looked different than the previous. She thought I was a bandit, which is odd, because I was wearing enough stone armor to be confused for a statue.

The fifth was the same and hated me just as the previous two. She wanted me to keep my hands to myself. In this rich city, I wouldn’t think that they’d have such a touching problem with the wide streets. I could be wrong though, maybe as a male character, I don’t have the problems they have.

As I wandered through the vast city, I stumbled upon a bunch of bums and vagrants. No I wasn’t declaired their king. They already had a leader. This kind man, wanted me to ask a woman if she’d be kind enough to open her mansion doors to let a vagrant sleep there. Yeah that sounds like it will work. Let some stranger knock on an old woman’s house to ask her if a bum can stay there overnight. I understand. Luckily with my armor she can’t stab me.

So I went there to ask the lonely old widow if she’d share her house with a stranger. Guess what she said…. keep in mind, this is a video game. Did she say yes? Nope. She handled it like anyone else would. She kicked me out of her house and refused to hear me out ever again! I do like the logical way that the characters handle themselves. As a traveling mercenary with enough gold to buy the town, I thought it would have been cool to just buy these bums a second flop house.

By now you’re probably thinking that all of the women are dressed in the same garb and are just cold and evil. No no, that’s not the case at all. There was one that was super nice, kind and sweet with a sick mother. She needed a mere five gold for the medicine. I assume this was an extremely low tier quest for people that just so happened to be at a high tier location. Why take only five gold? Why can’t I give you five thousand? Again I am too rich in this game. There’s never anything to buy, because I just take things off of dead orcs and bandits.

Anyway, she said she’d thank me with herbs she’d pick. I laughed thinking yeah I bet if I talk to her right after she says “let me go pick you some herbs,” she’ll have them all ready for me. Nope! I was happy to see a level of detail that I had to wait a while, leave her and return so she’d be done picking me some herbs.

Then…. oh then my character got flirty. It gave me the choice to ask her if she lives with her mother or if she’s married. Both of these questions went to no where, but I assume that the game will want me to marry her later on or at least give me the option since she’s so caring and friendly. No one else has opened up those options to ask them about their personal lives.

I figured that because only the rich central city of Calderon had female citizens, that the second richest city to the east would have them as well. So I headed east to check out the fine females in that city. Low and behold I didn’t just find one, I found several of the same! Someone must have had triplets! These three may have looked young, but they spoke with an elderly voice, so I assume they must keep in shape except for their vocal chords.

So we’re up to number ten (including the triplets). I had traveled far and wide searching for any more women in the entire land. There were several settlements that I had visited for the first time. One of these settlements was on the west coast. A massive body of water that creates the western border of whatever realm we’re in. That’s when I found three women. The first didn’t talk at all, yet she’s marked as a quest giver.

The next woman in this large fishing village is by far the largest character in the game if not the entire gaming industry. I’m not saying that as a bad thing oh no. I prefer characters of all shapes, sizes, hair styles and lack there of. However, I do understand that its just far easier to have one body type for all of the men and one body type for all of the women. Then there are clipping issues and it only gets messy from a technical standpoint.

One man in town gave me a task to go scare away some pirates. I think that was the gist of it. Scare them away, talk to them, kill them. Whatever it was. So I went there and the pirates will go away as soon as they get their compass. One of the deck hands had stolen it and hid in a cave. They recovered his body, but not the compass.

So I went off to find the compass in the high cave atop a mountain and that’s where I found a guy standing in front of it. Oh he knew about the pirates, that cave is his home. He saw the pirates kill the deck hand, but apparently never asked the deck hand about where the compass was hidden. Well this guy found it because he lives in the cave. I can’t remember what I did to get the compass from him to scare away the pirates, but he told me to tell his mother where he is and that he had ran away from home. Yep this full grown, not a child man… So then I met her.

Then from there, I was sent on another quest, but to make a long story short, it lead to me meeting a witch that cursed the town. This witch was pretty hated by the end of her storyline. She did curse an entire town, but she did right at the end. The god of the sea or whoever wanted a sacrifice, because she had cursed the sea for killing her husband on his fishing boat. Well as it turns out, the husband didn’t die at sea and she falsely cursed the god. So then the god took it out on the entire town by spawning horrifying humanoid creatures to attack.

When I told her the truth about what happened to her husband I thought oh good. Now I get to drown someone to cancel the curse. Nope…. as soon as I left her, she went running into the sea to sacrifice herself. I didn’t witness this as the game didn’t want to put forth that much effort. I know that Grand Theft Auto 3 would have programmed it into the game.

I also want to point out that this woman had the same body as the previous. She’s got a body like a liberty bell that sure stands out and you know I’m happy about that, because it screams look at me, I have something to say. Don’t confuse me for one of the other people in town.

We were up to number twelve, but then she was sacrificed, so we’re back down to eleven women in all of Two Worlds. From there I found number twelve in a town that was teaming full of quests that meant something. Its odd the smaller the village, the more quests it has.

Before I had gone to this settlement for the first time, I cleared out a tower of necromancers. By cleared out a tower, I mean the foot of the tower had two dozens necromancers and zombies around it, because again, you can’t enter a tower so much as teleport to the top. Its so sad that you can’t just enter a tower and work your way up like Oblivion, but whatever.

Anyway, I slaughtered everything because the tower was on my route. Then I hopped on my necro horse and trotted off to this fresh village. Once I was there I met a female mage, that told me they have a problem. A necromancer tower. Oh yes I know, but yet my character didn’t know. So she marked it on my map. Thanks. now I can go back to where I just was.

When we were done talking, I tried to speak with her again to tell her that the necromancers were all dead, but no she wouldn’t acknowledge it until I went north to the tower, touched the point on the map and then returned to her. She was grateful for a job well done.

So the number of women in the game still stands at twelve. I’ve heard people speak of their daughters and wives, yet never have I seen them. You know what’s just as elusive to find as a female in Two Worlds? An interior. There are a few interiors scattered here and there, but the game is almost exclusively exteriors. Even going into the towers will teleport you to the top.

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