Someone let the cat out of the bag with my Slam Junk! review. Its a game made in Spain and it had a flock of visitors 2 weeks after the review. All from Spain and all from Facebook. It wasn’t even a glowing review, but I guess someone reviewing it is someone reviewing it. That’s why I think I like playing Desura games. Someone has to play them. Sure I only have 200 Desura games and my reviews on Steam get a lot more likes, but for the sake of this site, Desura it will be. Plus it helps me stand out in a sea of Evolve, Dying Light and Resident Evil HD reviews on WordPress.
I’ve also been writing less blogs for more reviews. I think I’m at 3 full weeks of days with reviews. I figure those are what people pay attention to even if the hits say that the Saints Row and Dead Space 2 blogs get a lot of hits. Its weird if something is a month old, nothing gets hits. Out of my own sheer laziness, there won’t be a poll this week, due to the fact no one has voted unless its been for Bully.
Wow this was just a bad unfun arcade game. I forced myself to do a review just for the sake of content. I felt bad about doing a review, just because I knew it would be a bad review. I’m into dual stick shooters, but this just wasn’t fun and it was difficult to grasp even after an hour of playing. I chalk it up to a game jam project that shouldn’t have been released to the public. A lot of Desura games are like that.
Speaking of Desura and half baked game jam projects, I put a lot of time into Colony.exe and never got anything in return. What I mean by that is the game seemed unbeatable. Like a puzzle game you just keep going for a high score that isn’t saved. I love the art style and the Fez soundtrack, but I just kept wondering why am I playing? It would be better on a phone if it wasn’t for all of the inconsistencies. Somehow this and other Desura games have high scores, when they’re easily forgettable. There is an okay game here, I just wish there was a point.
Well its got an interesting style. The only problem is that its just currently unplayable. The online functionality doesn’t work and its an online game. I could write a review about it, but I’m holding off. Seems like people in the Steam forums are pissed off at how players are giving it a bad review after 10 minutes. That’s the problem there’s no game to review. Why not give it a bad review? I still put maybe 50 minutes into the game to get a feel for things and the mechanics, but eh there’s no point.
I am no fan of first person experiences. Let alone dark and scary ones. I just don’t find them entertaining. I play games for entertainment. I spent two hours in this game and it just wasn’t fun. I wasn’t even sure how I’d review something so basic as being stuck in a labyrinth with not a minotaur, but a creature. So instead I ended up writing some fan fiction about it and stapling on a two paragraph review about how basic it is. Heck I think I’ll start reviewing similar games in that way just to have something to say about them.
I also think that I’ll end up doing some sort of Scary Saturday / Sunday review for all of the people who are alone in a dark room at night.
DEAD SPACE 3
One day I’ll complete this game. I spent an hour trying to finish off the snow beast boss for a third time. Only to discover my graphical settings were too high. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Well as it turns out, EA’s official response helped. Once I turned down my graphical settings, I was able to beat the boss, and plod through 2 more hours of a game that’s just getting monotonously difficult. Like I said last week, the story is at least getting far more interesting than it ever did in the first two games. This would be higher on my list, but its been on here a few weeks in a row now.
ADVENTURES OF FRIKIBOY
This was a surprising gem of a game and I never like any Game Maker games unless they’re from Vlambeer or whatever their name is. There’s a lot of fun, interesting and engaging game play in FrikiBoy. Even the silly comedy worked for me and I’m never a fan of a game that labels itself “comedy.” If you get get past the cheap yet original graphics and sprites, this is a fun little game. Then after that there’s an entirely new second main quest I’d love to play more of.
TO THE MOON
Well I played it again, yes I did. I don’t like this game. In fact I hate it. I don’t play games for story, I play them for the game. Heck I play RPGs for the game of chess. One of my Steam friends played through it and recommended it again despite how awful the game play is. So I decided it was time to give it another try. After making it 90 minutes into the game it glitched where I could no clip my way through everything. Its a common error with RPG Maker games. The only problem is that I couldn’t collect an item with no clip on. Maybe I’ll give it another try, but I have zero motivation to ever finish this game no matter how good the story is. Somehow Steam reviewers have made this a 10/10 game. maybe that’s because its easy to finish? All you do is collect stuff in limited maps that never change. I always wonder if people actually like the game or they’re just parroting everyone else.
RPG MAKER VX ACE
With all of my gripes about RPG Maker games, surely I can make better games. Yes I can. I have a high level of quality in my work. My Steam friend said that he loved scary RPG Maker games. I feel they’re all trash, so I started making one. I made mine more like Maniac Mansion where you have 3 playable characters. By playable I mean they’re all independent and not bundled in a party. I made a dynamic lighting system and some other frills. Each character could talk to one another. One of them had a lighter and cigarettes. You can even give the other characters things. So you can give someone a lighter, but when you try to give the two non smokers cigarettes, they refuse, since they don’t smoke. There’s even a battery system where your lantern will constantly deplete its power after 8 minutes and you’ll be out of light unless you have another battery or someone gives you one. As always, I came up with a dynamic weather system and flashing lighting at random times. The only thing that I really made in the game was an exterior where you could load wood into a camp fire and the character with the lighter could make a fire. Then on the inside, there’s a big chase scene that ends with a switch to close a door. Then the monster paces waiting for you while another bursts out of a room to chase you back into the first monster. RPG Maker VX Ace has a default follow player action. The only problem is that it only works so long before the monster will wander away from you and start chasing you again. I had to come up with my own follow script. I spent 36 hours crafting this game before I lost interest.
CTHULHU SAVES THE WORLD
I never knew who or what exactly Cthulhu was and quite frankly, I still don’t have a good grasp of him. I always thought it was some internet meme that became famous, but now I know he’s like Sponge Bob, living in a pineapple under the sea. Oh and he’s mixed with Chuck Norris, or whomever is the popular 90s badass now. Are we on Steven Segal now? I powered through this 9 hour game in about 3 sittings. After making the mistake of playing Breath of Death VII on hard, I went with the normal / medium difficulty. It was a lot of fun. The real highlight wasn’t just the combat, but it was the director’s written commentary. Forget the game’s real dialog. The commentary is all I really cared about. I would like to replay the game with the second main mission unlocked, but it might be a while before I go back to it. So many games…. cough.
This is my gem of the week, if not gem of the original X-Box. I loved playing through this thing. I even went through the light and dark campaigns. There’s a review up, like there is for all of these games except for Dead Space 3. The fantasy land was a fun place to visit.