I did two full tours that started on a high peak of awesome. I was the lesser member of a group that all had 250+ tours. For those that don’t know, each tour is a full set of 3 missions. Each mission of Mann vs Machine pits six human players against 5+ waves or robotic enemies as they try to put a bomb into your point. These missions cost $1 each, because that’s how Valve makes the big money!
Anyway, on the pro team, we blew through the first two missions. I was stuck on engineer, but that is always okay. The gun does the work and I hide behind everything making quips that get laughs. Everything went smooth. Then one person left. Not only our leader, but the man with the most expert tours out of anyone playing Team Fortress 2.
He was replaced with a random player. A cat. yes a cat. Our greatest player was replaced by someone who the first word on their microphone was a cat’s meow. I called attention to it. Yes it was another meow. What? A cat can’t possibly use a microphone. No it wasn’t really a cat, it was a kid that sounded like a cat because of his voice. Well this kid was also an engineer. Double engineer, only he was horrible. That’s okay, because a pro team of 5 great players can carry one sack that does nothing.
Well eventually he timed out from doing nothing. He was replaced by an extremely happy guy from Italy. How do I know he was from Italy? The only thing he said other than happy sounds was “Italiano!” Plus his ping was low and Valve stuck us on a Luxemburg server, because the American servers were all full up. This guy was a happy idiot that we stuck as pyro. We tried teaching him, but well we speak English and he didn’t. He was still much better than the cat. When we lost the cat, we weren’t down a man, we were down a cat. He was our MVP, our Meow Vulnerable Purrrer. Yes yes bad jokes, but they make people laugh.
We managed to complete the mission, followed by another with a pro team and then did a full tour with a lesser team. One of us even got an Australium rocket launcher. The pro squad was done. They all went to sleep. So I was stuck with what was the B team. They all had lower tours. between 10 and 60. I have always said there’s a distinct difference between expert players under 25 tours and over 25. They’re still awful and just bodies propped up by a team full of better players. I’ve been there. I know. I remember how everyone around me carried me. Now I carry everyone else. Not that I’m superman, it still takes at least another great player to carry a team.
The first mission we completed went okay. It wasn’t fun. The scout didn’t milk anything other than super scouts and they were always dead just after the line of heavies. Milking enemies keeps the team alive. Wow did I die. A lot. I was surprised when I outdamaged the other heavy on the team.
After that mission with the B team, we drifted to the final mission of the tour. Mannworks. What I’d say is the most difficult mission of the expert tour. Lesser teams always have problems. Mostly on the third wave where super scouts and tanks come at the same time. I chose engineer, because I didn’t trust anyone else to do it after the previous mission. Well both heavies hid behind my dispenser, destroying it pretty quick. There’s an aggressive engi position and a defensive position. I was better off in defensive position, but the heavies went to aggressive position. It threw me off and made it difficult to keep buildings up.
Once one my high tour friend dropped out, then the other dropped out, leaving me with a team full of low tours. I had to bail. That was my night. My three or four hours with Team Fortress 2: Expert Mann vs Machine.
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