Evil Super Meat Boy Review

Super Meat Boy is an ultra hard 2D platformer made by two neck beards for the movie ‘Indie Game the Movie.’ The movie that was a documentary, not a movie, but whatever. This game is great, because it takes gameplay made popular by Super Mario Bros and waters it down to just a basic run and jump mechanic. No power ups, no enemies, just you as a slab of meat in 300 level that are only 30 seconds long because no one could program inventive levels.

There’s not just a princess in another castle, there’s a princess to save for every level. Making this one tease of a game that never gives Meat Boy what he wants. Its one of the highest selling indie games of all time, because its one of the first downloadable games on home consoles. When there is zero downloadable competition, it doesn’t fracture an audience. Not to mention no competition from Mario on X-Box, Playstation or PC.

A game so great and jam packed full of content that I struggle to even find anything to say about it either good or bad. Its just there. So there and yet so hailed as a masterpiece by reviewers that rate it better than Skyrim. Is it because of the art or music? No. It is all about Super Meat Boy giving the fans what they want. What do they want? To throw controllers across the room, because they’re adults and Mario is for babies. Then they rage about how tough a game is. If it wasn’t so difficult they’d realize there’s a whole 2 hours of game coupled with 10 minutes of cut scenes.

Everyone falls in love with the game, despite achievements showing less than half of the fans even get to the first one. You’ll love to hate Super Meat Boy so much that you’ll go out and buy his T-shirts from your local emo teenager music store. Perhaps the game is so charming because of the simple cube art graphics made famous by Minecraft years later. So easy you can draw it with four lines and a smiley face. Maybe its because it steals from better Nintendo games with cut scenes from Ninja Gaiden, Castlevania and even Bubble Bobble.

Meat Boy is just a bleeding dead beat mooching off of everyone else. He is only motivated to do something when his girlfriend that fixes everything gets kidnapped. He even has unlockable friends to not join him on his journey, but do it for him. Stolen characters from better games like the Head Crab from Half-Life. Avoid this game and play the classics that Super Meat Boy is clearly ripping off.

+++This was a hastily written parody of a review. Hopefully it made Steam friends laugh with laughter.+++

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s