Shannon Tweed’s Attack of the Groupies Steam Review

I remember Shannon Tweed from when she was on an episode of Married with Children. Now two decades later, she’s in her own game. It is a tower defense game. The all female groupies start at the right and walk to the left. If they reach Shannon, its game over man. Game over. To defend her, you place water guns and money trees on the grid. Everything you place costs money. The groupies never leave their lane or have any strategy, just as your water guns can only shoot in the same lane. When the groupies get to one of your objects, they’ll damage it until it disappears.

The major problem with Shannon Tweed’s Attack of the Groupies is the simple fact that it is mindlessly simple. In fact, halfway through the wave, I can sit back and just let the game play itself. To top that off, the levels are exactly the same. Each of the 6 levels has 10 levels. Yeah you heard that right. Anyway, level after level is exactly the same. After every 10 levels, the background will change. There is no sort of change in terrain. No swimming pools, roofs or dark of night. Its all the same. For completing each level, the game rewards you with either a new enemy, a new item in your arsenal or removing a barricade to make things tougher. Every so often you’re rewarded with an album full of real life photos of Shannon, Gene Simmons and their family. The album layout really needed some sort of next / previous or 1 of 10 indicator so people don’t just see 1 photo per album and click back.

Your arsenal has many objects, but the only two useful ones are the money tree and squirt gun. Before a level begins, you’ll pick 7 things from your arsenal to use in the following level. When you start a level, a giant money sack will fall. When you click on it you get $50. They fall in random places. Once you have $100 you can place a money tree. With the money tree down it will generate two levels of money when you click on them to harvest the cash. The first level is $25, the second is $50. There’s no need to let the money bloom. It could have been $60 when a tree is fully bloomed, but whatever. The cash grows often, so often they could have made a combo game out of it. Click on X number of trees in a second and get a bonus.

When you place a squirt gun, it can get upgraded after a waiting period. The upgrades cost cash and each one can get upgraded twice. These are the only two that you’ll ever need. At least through the first 30 levels. To upgrade a gun, you need to pause the game by clicking the upgrade icon then click the object, then click the upgrade. I should just be able to click the object without clicking the upgrade button. A spacebar pause would have been nice, any key support would have been nice. There are other frills like bodyguards that stand there and block groupies. Gum that slows them down, a stink bomb that does damage, goo guns that slow down groupies and so on. The goo guns can get upgraded, but why buy them when the upgraded squirt guns decimate everything?

The enemies might look different, but they’re all the same. At least the ones I found 30 levels into the game. They have different amounts of health and minor abilities. Red dress women can charm bodyguards to slip right by. Drunk groupies have higher health. Goth screamers do a wave of damage to your objects. Stilt walkers can merely walk over your objects. The new enemies are too few and far between.

On the first level, you only have one line to worry about. That’s to get your feet wet. Then it opens up to three lanes. After a few more levels, its four lanes. Before you know it at level 20 you’ll have 6 lanes open! If the game is too hardcore for you, there’s an easy mode. You don’t even have to upgrade your squirt guns, they’ll take out everything.

On the surface, it has good looking cartoon graphics. It has Shannon saying lines like ‘That wasn’t hard… uh’ and ‘she’ll climb over a glass wall to see you.’ Some of the character art on the Steam store page isn’t even in the game. The screenshots of the game are photoshopped. The lighting looks better on the Steam page than in the game. Its a pretty low resolution game. Not just that but the animation in the game is a little off. Groupies move faster than they walk if that makes sense. So their feet are sliding instead of walking.

Even if the 60 levels weren’t draining enough, playing the same thing over and over with no variety, the music loop is awful. Notably awful. I usually don’t bring up music, but single loop is grading. Hearing a few second loop over three hours straight.

Avoid this game. Its the same thing over and over, every level. So easy I don’t even need to play the game halfway through the level, because I’m too busy scoring 4 touchdowns in a single game!

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